My tooth hurts!! But my heart hurts more. The feeling that u have that u are longing for something but u know it's impossible to get it. Accept  the fact. And u know what, I have drunk 3 cups of coff33 today. But the caffeine doesnt even kill the painful feelings. They said, caffeine can be a pain killer for a short period of time but in my case, it doesn't work. Maybe alcohol works. Hey friend, get me a can of beer please. LOL.I don't know why I always lose the game.Not skillful enough la , Yu Ke. Nah, with 40+ lines, they wont get you anywhere but below rank 21. Yu Ke, ur brain can't plan a strategy. Ur brain needs time to catch up the things taught. Ur brain needs long time to memorize things. So, what can ur brain do? Recently, I keep hearing things. I always hear that somebody is calling me but there isn't any. Am I having a psychological prob?? I guess so. All the stress from my demand on tetris has beaten me down. Nah, not going to play it anymore. But giving up isn't my thing. In the same time, I don't have the skills to conquer the game and knock down the opponent. Jason, teach me please?? Nah, not going to happen. I need to find a thing that I can master,,, What is it?

What is my purpose in life?

Can somebody tell me?? God, will u tell me? Friends, can u guys tell me? Teachers, can u tell me? I bet u're wondering why am I  not asking my parents. Nah, not that close to them. Btw, I dun really want to involve them in this particular matter, coz they dont know me well. I mean, I rarely share things with them, so they most probably wont know. Haha. Okay, here comes the prob. There are so many probs that i'm facing now. Or should I say dilemma. After my SPM, I have gone through the darkest moment  in my life. The fear n insecure feeling bout my future. When SPM ended, I was lost! I didnt have a goal that time. I was so scared. I didnt like sitting round my home doing nothing. But then I have found a new goal, but my friends might not believe me. It's a game, namely Tetris Battle. Okay, so I played it and played n played again. That time, I was just thinking to be the best in that game. So,I kept thinking of being ranked up to rank 100. (And PLEASE, DON'T LAUGH) U know why, I played the game like thousands of times. More than 4000 matches  that I have played to this day! And u know what, I am currenty in rank 24.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA. There was one moment that I thought; F**k this SHIT!! I'm not gonna play this anymore  and I was so fed up wif that game. U know it sucks when a 'straight' person like me, a.k.a dumb have to plan a game strategy to knock off the opponent. And it wasnt easy. But , miraculously, Im still playing till today, just now. And there is one boy,named Kelvin. Helo Mr. Kelvin, stop looking at me as ur rival. Believe me, I have no skills at all. Why are u keep looking for me in the match?When I was in the game,  u were there oso. And another 2 girls, Miss Yong Le n Miss Evelyne. Can u  guys tell me ur secrets to be ranked up from rank 20++ to rank 50++??? OMG!! U guys are so skillful! And finally this guy; I met him in Draw My Thing, Mr, MJ. How am I supposed to say this ??? Hurm,,, he played 700++ games and won 521 of them. And he was God of Tetris!! Dafuq???! then he invited me for a battle in the game. And u know what, he said he was a tetris noob. But I have never a seen a tetris noob performing  T-spins, and he performed 2,I think so, in the beginning of the game! As u guys have guessed, I lost the game for sure. haha...You're a good player, MJ... hehe...If u have ever seen this, be grateful because I rarely praise people, unless they're very extraordinary.. :) You know what, I have learnt something from this game and discovered the dilemma I'm facing now. Should I just give up or continue to fight for something that I most probably won't achieve?Should I just lower my demand and continue with a stress-free life; a happy life and be an average person?? Or should I continue to put effort that wont even change my life, even a little? TETRIS BATTLE,  u teach me this. I admit that I'm not not born with a mind good in strategy-planning and I often misplace the tetriminos. I dunno, I have played u so many times, and I just can't  break the lines and KO's records. I have seen the others' records, some even played 40000++  times. And they finally became God of Tetris.  I keep persuading myself to play u .

'YU KE, U JUST PLAYED IT FOR MORE THAN 4000 TIMES, HOW ABOUT THOSE WHO HAVE PLAYED IT 40000++ TIMES?? THEY NEVER GIVE UP, AND FINALLY THEY REACHED THEIR GOAL. '

Actually, I met with the same dilemma in my life when I realized I won't be the best forever. Maybe I was the top student for SPM in my sch, but there are so many excellent students out there. Brilliant, genius, extraordinary, talented, gifted students with good IQ. SO, how I am going to compete with them when I dun even have the capabilities?  You  know, becoming an average person is a piece of cake, u dun have to do anything. Cikgu Nooredah once asked; Bagaimana  anda nak tanam lalang di atas sebidang tanah yg diberikan kpd anda?Jawapannya, anda tak perlu buat apa2. Mcm hidup ni gak, if u wanna be an average person, then do nothing, u can lead a happier life. But , u 'll never  experience the joyness of sucess. that sweet moment when everybody are inspired by u.Then, u'll see everything running smoothly. To all the f5 students, u guys are so  much better than our batch last year. You guys have done a great job making STARP proud.I know u guys are feeling at the top now, just like I did last year. I'm sorry to say this but one day , u guys will realize that u're not the best forever.Maybe the ways of us handling failure are differnt. I am jealous with u guys , coz u guys are more outstanding than us , both in ur studies n also co-curricular xtvts.  I wan to share this wif somebodywho is a good listener. But, nevermind, they apparently not interested to listen to my prob. I'll seek the solution myself then.


Finally, I realized another thing, sometimes when people wrote something with emoticons, they're not dramatic. Maybe they just wanna hide their real feelings.